Mystic Mug's crystal ball guide to 2002 January Roddy Collins signs eight more players, five of whom are not yet out of nappies. "They are stars of the future," he beams. When asked if he is only signing them because they are cheap, he refuses to answer further questions and bans the media from Brunton Park. United fail to win a match and slide to the bottom of the league. Two more players are sent off. "I'm backing my players to turn us around," says Collins. February Collins signs another six players, two of which are not yet born. "I always like to invest in the future," he says. "We are building a hell of a team here, just watch us go in about 2007." United lose all their games and are now 5 points adrift of Halifax. Three more players are sent off. "I'm backing my players to turn us around," says Collins. March United announce they are putting up admission prices with immediate effect to help pay for all the new players that Collins is signing. They also take out another mortgage on the land outside Brunton Park. "This is a sound and sensible financial decision," says Michael Knighton. "But it had nothing to do with me of course. I speak solely in my role as majority shareholder." United fail to win a game and are now 8 points adrift of Halifax with 6 games left. "I'm backing my players to turn us around," says Collins. April United lose their last six games and are relegated by 12 points. "I'm backing my players to turn us around," says Collins. When reporters remind him that it is now too late to turn it around, Collins replies that he is backing his players to turn it around next season. "We were always really building for next season," he explains. "This season was always going to be a bit of a transitional period." May Collins signs 11 more players under the Bosman ruling and finally releases Lee Maddison, Ian Stevens and Will Varty. "Now you'll see a real team because it will be my team," says Collins. The police decide not to press charges against eight members of the United squad who were arrested for being drunk and disorderly in Botchergate on the night of the relegation decider at Brunton Park. "It would have been much quicker arresting all those that were well behaved," said a police officer. June The fixtures come out for the Conference and Carlisle start at home to Barrow - newly promoted from the Unibond League. "It's a nice tough start for my players, " says Collins. "But I'm sure they'll turn us around." July Collins threatens to resign when the board tell him there is no more money for players. They point out he now has a squad of 56 players - the largest one in Europe. Collins makes a desperate plea to local businesses to sign up players and pay them their wages. August A season ticket boycott is blamed by Michael Knighton for his failure to sell the club to Sir Richard Branson. Branson had a £50m investment plan lined up and was going to put his Virgin Rail logo on the front of the shirts. "It's all down to these moaning fans who refuse to support their club," says Knighton, before adding: "And the local press." The club lose 5-0 at home to Barrow but Collins is unconcerned. "It's the first game of the season and anyway, four of the goals were offside and we weren't ready for the other." September An injury crisis forces Collins to field a 10-year-old against Morecambe. United are bottom with 1 point from the first 8 games. "I'm backing my players to turn us around," says Collins. October Mark Knighton announces he expects to leave Brunton Park "within six weeks, give or take a year or two." Steve Collins is in talks with his accountants about a possible bid to buy 5 of Knighton's shares. "I am getting a consortium together, Vinnie's in it and so is the fat one out of Ballykissangel," he tells reporters. November CCUIST announce they have reached 2,000 full members and now have £300,000 in their share fund. "I believe the trust should give me their money because I am the only man who knows how to invest it properly," says Michael Knighton. United are still bottom. December United win their first game for 12 months with a 1-0 home win over Forest Green, thanks to a last-minute own goal. "We totally hammered them, " says a delighted Collins. "It could have been 10-0 easily." Carlisle are still bottom, 10 points adrift and have had nine players sent off and 60 booked. Average gates are down to 700. "I'm backing my players to turn us around," says Collins. |
