Football Stars With Mystic Megson

April 23^rd - May 22^nd

Nothing seems to be going right for you at the moment, but remember, it's not your fault. It's better to blame everyone else and remind others how much harder it is being you. Anything less than the best just isn't good enough for your fans, but they might be better lowering their expectations since you certainly can't raise them. Fortune comes in the form of a fat man swearing.

Just when things are looking up, Bam! Something else comes along and knocks you off your gifted, yet injury prone feet. But worry not. Self belief and an ability to laugh in the face of adversity will keep you and your boss happy. Going travelling? Be careful getting out of your car.

June 23^rd - July 22^nd

Your lack of activity on the pitch may be putting you in danger of being forgotten. But as the new moon rises, you will see new ways of raising your profile. Why not edit a sports magazine? Or bring out a clothing line? Football isn't everything and if you can use your time on the sidelines to bring out your bling, you might be able to forget about football altogether.

Just because everyone else thinks your an ejit doesn't mean you should carry the weight of the world on your hunched shoulders. The tattooed goblin look is in this year and your stock looks set to rise. A change is as good as a holiday, and let's face it's, you could give Gloria Hunniford a run for her money. Pluto will cross your path at the end of the month, so why not kick his head in?

Aug 23^rd - Sep 22^nd

Clean sheets or no clean sheets, you're still Carlisle's number one and that's what matters. You've seen off the pretenders to your throne and now the gloves are yours. Never mind that the mice from Bagpuss could do a better job, you're the only option and that's good enough for you. Remember, one man's joy is several thousand other men's misery.

Sep 23^rd - Oct 22^nd

You may be punching above your weight, but try to remember to keep your feet on the ground, and out of other people's shins. Remember, kick the ball, not the opponent. But also play to your strengths, and if you can't kick the ball as well or as accurately as your team mates, then throwing it is a good second best. Mystic Megson believes you should focus on what you're good at or you'll be out on your ear, which in your case is quite a large place.

Oct 23^rd - Nov 22^nd

Oh dear, oh dear! Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear! Mystic Megson told you to keep your gob shut and you didn't listen, did you? Nevermind. There's still a long way to go and miracles do happen. But you have to be careful to make your football stars shine for you and stay out of trouble, or you're going to end up with Spanish omelette all over your face.

Nov 23^rd - Dec 22^nd

Clarity is overrated and you shouldn't have to be the one to explain things to everyone else. You stick to your guns and don't worry about those around you. You didn't get where you are by listening to your critics and no one got anywhere by listening to you. Busy month? Take a break. In fact, take a long, long break.

Dec 23^rd - Jan 22^nd

Money isn't everything to everybody, but it is to you. But you should follow your dreams and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Unpopular? Ignore your critics and make your better half gain the popularity points. Mystic Megson sees silverware in February. Probably those earrings Cheryl's got you for Valentine's day.

Jan 23^rd - Feb 22^nd

Why be a small fish in a big pond when you can be a big fish in a small pond? This year sees you settling even more into League One, so much so that no one else knows you're gone anymore. Crisis? What crisis? Enjoy your surroundings and don't let your finances get you down.

Feb 23^rd - Mar 22^nd

Mystic Megson knows you've had some tough decisions to make recently, but are you sure it was the right one? Yes, you may have sacrificed your respect, dignity and pride by being lured by riches, but haven't you heard of the credit crunch? Reap hay while the sun shines, sunshine!